Smart Dating Tips For Women - Become A Great Decision-Maker For Love!

Your decisions will either guide you towards or away from love! Make sure that you develop a reliable system for processing information and handling your emotions so that you stay on the right path towards the love you want.

To help you develop a better method of making smarter decisions in your love life, here are some keys points to remember:

o DEVELOP STRENGTH IN YOUR DECISION-MAKING MUSCLE.

Practice making decisions when the stakes are small. That way, you'll be ready to act when more significant decisions inevitably come your way. The quality of being a more decisive person develops naturally from repetition, and motivation will come from the goal of improving your love life. You'll become a great decision-maker through practice and a sense of a greater purpose.

o UNDERSTAND THE PROPER ROLE OF LUCK.

A lasting love relationship is achieved by design --- not by accident. That is not to say that luck isn't a factor, because it certainly can be --- such as when it comes to meeting the right guy at the right time. But the foolish strategy is to rely solely on luck, instead of on skillful decision-making, which is the more dominant factor in achieving successful long-term results in love. A smart decision-maker allows for luck, but is never fooled by it.

o GAIN THE VALUE OF INSIGHTFUL NEW PERSPECTIVES.

With our human vision, having two eyes enables us to see with more depth. Likewise, when it comes to your love life, two perspectives will be better than one --- and more can be even better! The mistake that most people make is to base their decisions exclusively on one point of view, which is usually their own or that of like-minded friends. Rarely do people consciously seek out opposing points of view about their love lives. I suggest that you consider the opinions of experts in the field, and perhaps the viewpoint of a well-informed and trusted member of the opposite sex. A wise decision-maker views an important issue at hand from at least three different sides.

o SEEK HONEST AND ACCURATE FEEDBACK.

In the area of dating, people can be especially sensitive about hearing honest feedback about themselves. Your close friends are not necessarily the best source of feedback about what you need to change in your actions and appearance. Often they will be afraid of hurting your feelings and damaging your friendship. But it is important to seek out honest feedback, so you can address the problem and not continue in the wrong direction.

o ALWAYS STAY FLEXIBLE IN YOUR APPROACH.

One of the hardest things for many of us to do is adjust to changing conditions. In other words, there comes a time when forcing things to happen is counterproductive, and learning to go with the flow will serve us better. Therefore, it is important to change our approach when things in our love lives aren't working, and realize that constantly repeating a bad strategy will continue to result in failure. A smart woman's approach is to take action, get feedback, and refine her dating strategies at various stages until she gets it right.

o DON'T MAKE SIGNIFICANT DECISIONS WHEN YOU ARE UPSET.

Poor decisions about one's love life are often the result of making them while you're in an unresourceful, emotionally unstable state of mind. The plain truth is that we make gross errors in judgment, and make rash decisions when we're upset. The smart thing to do is to postpone a significant decision until you are in a more balanced frame-of-mind. An outstanding decision-maker knows that quality choices can best be made when a person's mind, body, and spirit are in perfect balance.

o ALWAYS REMEMBER TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

Some decisions are difficult to make and involve major consequences in our lives. The lazy habit that many people have is to choose what is either the quickest, easiest, or least painful. But this decision-making process only creates a short-term quick fix. In order to make wise decisions over the long-term, you should carefully factor in these four important questions: (1) What is best for you? (2) What is best for the other person? (3) What serves the greater good? and (4) What is the most morally sound choice? When you have a balanced mental evaluation system like this, you will be guided towards doing the right thing.

Smart women don't leave their love lives entirely to chance. Instead, they shape their destiny by making wise decisions that serve their best interests. You can do the same by taking charge of your own love life and making the kinds of quality choices that naturally lead you away from relationship failure and frustration, and towards the high-quality love relationships that you truly desire and deserve.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Dating sucks when you feel like you don't have any control over the quality of your love life and it seems like things just happen to you. But dating rocks when you make a conscious decision to take charge of your destiny. You can take charge now by learning how to make intelligent choices that will lead you towards true lasting love.

Steve Nakamoto - "The Voice Of The Other Half"
iVillage.com's Ask Mr. Answer Man Relationship Expert
2-Time Writer's Digest Award-Winning Author
Author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man
Talk Like A Winner! 21 Simple Rules For Everyday Communication Success
Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love

http://www.SteveNakamoto.com

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Smart Dating Tips For Women - Beware Of Romantic Men With No Hearts!

Twenty years after high school I had a brief reunion with my teenage sweetheart, Sue. During our conversation, Sue reflected back over her life and said to me, "Steve, you're the most romantic man I ever met."

That compliment stuck with me for many years without much afterthought until recently. What I realize now is that being a romantic man is something that is largely overrated by women in today's mainstream culture. For sensitive women looking for real love, a man with a romantic personality but who is lacking in true heart emotions is one of the worst kinds of guys to get involved with.

Here's why.

In my Writer's Digest award-winning relationship book, Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man, I briefly described the following five ingredients of a desirable male love partner:

• Talent: Physical appearance, intelligence/common sense, money/wealth/success

• Game: Sense of humor, confidence/personal power, conversational skill/charm

• Heart: Emotional warmth/kindness, ability to listen/understand, sense of gratitude/appreciation

• Character: Responsibility/maturity, ability to handle adversity, honesty/integrity

• Fit: Shared human values, compatible lifestyle habits, harmonious personalities, matching relationship goals

A truly romantic man is one who combines the ingredients of "Game" and "Heart" to win over the affections of a woman he desires. When this man also possesses abundant "Talent" along with the general impression of strong "Character" and good "Fit," you have the kind of guy that any woman would find attractive at first glance. But what most women don't realize is that it's possible to meet a man with lots of "Game" but with little or no "Heart" or "Character."

I should know because that's the kind of guy I used to be.

Growing up when I did being romantic was mainly about having the confidence and style to impress the heck out of women. My unconsciously role model at the time was the fictional movie character, James Bond 007 played by Sean Connery. His combination of good looks, athletic physique, stylish clothes, high self-confidence, fearlessness, charm, and intelligence made him irresistible to women on the Big Screen.

But in actuality, the James Bond character was also a cold-blooded killer and compulsive womanizer. Being "romantic" was just part of his personality. To possess the kind-heart, compassion, warmth, tenderness, gratitude, trust, and love of a genuine relationship partner would make him completely ineffective as a secret agent.

So while being romantic is a desirable quality to have in a man, it doesn't make for a good love partner unless the man also possesses the finer qualities of a good heart. The romantic man with no heart is the most deceptive yet confident guy that a woman will ever meet. He will also be the kind of man that a woman will naturally grow to resent eventually.

On the other hand, the lesser-romantic man with a big heart is the saddest guy from a male perspective. This is the man who needs to learn the art of romance and develop the high self-esteem to go along with it. Otherwise, he's the guy who gets passed over by the majority of women these days even though he possesses the genuine kind of love to give and share. As long as the truly loving man isn't a clueless romantic dead-weight, he will be a love partner that a woman will come to love and respect over time.

THE BOTTOM LINE

A smart sensitive woman should beware of romantic men whose behavior is personality-driven rather than that which comes from the genuine spirit within. She should wisely invest her heart in potential love partners who have respect for all human beings and understand that love is naturally attracted into the lives of those who give generously with kindness, compassion, warmth, gratitude, and trust.

Steve Nakamoto - "The Voice Of The Other Half"
iVillage.com's Ask Mr. Answer Man Relationship Expert
2-Time Writer's Digest Award-Winning Author
- Author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man - Talk Like A Winner! 21 Simple Rules For Everyday Communication Success - Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love

http://www.SteveNakamoto.com

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Smart Dating Tips For Women - Expand His Interest In You And The Relationship!

Expand rather than limit your partner's interest in you and the relationship by developing common interests that you can both enjoy together. Remaining stuck in too many activities that a man doesn't like will surely reduce your time with him. Be smart and don't let your relationship burn out by forcing him into excessive involuntary chores.

The following suggestions are designed to help you persuade your man to go from an elusive part-time boyfriend to a satisfied full-time love partner:

STAY ATTRACTIVE IN THE SAME WAYS

In competitive sports, there is a common phrase that says, "Go with what got you there." In a romantic-love relationship, it is equally important to retain the appeal that initially attracted the man into your life. That means continuing to take care of your appearance, being warm and receptive, and remembering to be thoughtful and considerate like you were at the beginning. Don't ever lower the standards in your relationship by taking each other for granted.

TAKE PART IN SOME OF HIS INTERESTS

It's a good idea for both partners to be able to visit the other person's world periodically. This prevents couples from living separate lives or drifting too far apart. If you show little or no interest whatsoever in his activities, you are limiting the relationship you have with each other.

GET ALONG WELL WITH HIS INNER CIRCLE

Do your best to maintain good relations with your partner's friends and family. Although you may not approve of their influence on your man, you'll score more points by aligning yourself with these folks rather than confronting them. Try to avoid being the kind of woman who gets between a man and the people he likes and associates with.

STOP ANY HIGH-MAINTENANCE EMOTIONAL TENDENCIES

If it takes too much to keep a woman happy, then a man will often start building resentment towards her. A woman has to realize that it is neither natural nor healthy for a man to be forced to excessively prove his love because of her emotional insecurities. What you gain in assurances will be lost in residual animosity.

DON'T LET YOUR UP-KEEP BECOME YOUR DOWNFALL

Most men are concerned about dating women who spend tons of money or require a lot of material things. While a man may appear generous in the courting stage, it's more likely that he's also gauging how much it costs to keep the woman happy with her lifestyle. A woman who convinces a man that she's sensible with her money will help alleviate his ever-present financial concerns.

LEAVE HIM ALONE PERIODICALLY TO RECHARGE

I once saw Jerry Seinfeld do a stand-up comedy routine where he offered women this simple piece of marital advice: If you want to keep a man happy, leave him alone. As funny as it sounds, it is still true in the context of making sure that a man has the right balance in his life. Typically a man will need to juggle the time he has for you, work, other people, and himself. If a man truly loves you, rest assured that this "time to recharge" will probably be short in duration and only occasional in frequency. The main thing to remember is that you will score big points by understanding his occasional need to --- as John Gray, the author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus says --- "go into his cave."

BE WILLING TO EXCHANGE CONTROL FOR INCREASED PASSION

While we want 100% of a love partner's commitment to a relationship, it's not the same as demanding 100% of their time. Whatever you gain by forcing your partner to do what is not of any redeeming value, you'll end up losing in resentment. Be willing to let go of control periodically to revive the energies of your partner. By doing so, you'll have a happier partner who will naturally reciprocate this back to you in multiple positive ways.

The philosophy of expanding rather than limiting a man's interest in you and the relationship allows the opportunity for your love to grow and it benefits both partners. This also provides an inviting scenario for otherwise commitment-fearing men.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Dating sucks when you try to limit a man's life or are unable to encourage him to spend much time with you. But dating rocks when you expand his interest wisely so that you both receive the long-term benefits of emotional security, personal growth, deep intimacy, and peace of mind.

Steve Nakamoto - "The Voice Of The Other Half"
iVillage.com's Ask Mr. Answer Man Relationship Expert
2-Time Writer's Digest Award-Winning Author
Author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man
Talk Like A Winner! 21 Simple Rules For Everyday Communication Success
Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love

http://www.SteveNakamoto.com

Read more »

Smart Dating Tips For Women - How To Deal Effectively With Jealousy In Romantic Love Relationships

Love is not a competitive sport. However, many people today sometimes approach it as if it were. A common result of this kind of misguided thinking is the negative fear-based emotion of jealousy.

Jealousy thrives in a competitive environment for gaining attention and feeds some people's starving emotional needs for increased recognition and higher self-esteem. But the major downside is that jealousy triggers unforgettable moments of fear, distrust, and anger which accumulate and inevitably destroy the foundation of loving relationships.

If you recognize the early signs of jealousy, here are several smart things to do in order to prevent it from ruining the relationships that you treasure:

? Gauge how committed you are to the relationship in order to solve this: If you are committed to the relationship and want love to grow, then you possess the necessary ability to find a solution. But if you don't care enough or have the mistaken belief that jealousy is a good thing overall, then your relationship is doomed right from the start.

? Understand the benefits for the person who is jealous: The jealous person begins to learn how to build true self-esteem by recognizing the good in them and eliminating the bad. It teaches them how to focus on love and not on fear.

? Realize the benefits for the person who is triggering the jealousy: The person triggering the jealousy raises their awareness about themselves (unintentional triggers in their language) and learns to communicate their increased level of commitment to the relationship by helping the other person through their jealousy issues.

? Recognize that each person is part of the problem: The jealous person is dealing with a starving human need - self-esteem and the question of "Am I good enough?" On the other hand, the person who is the object of the jealousy is either: 1) Unaware of how they are triggering the jealousy, 2) Doesn't care enough about causing it, or 3) Feels there is a benefit to making the other person jealous (their own issues of low self-esteem or the unenlightened mindset of manipulative strategies for love that are commonly practiced today).

? Know how each person is responsible for the solution: The jealous person begins to build their self-esteem by realizing the good qualities within themselves and eliminating those that no longer serve them well. They recognize that the problem is within themselves and not outside. Conversely, the person triggering the jealousy raises their awareness and learns to communicate their increased level of commitment to the relationship by helping the other person to emotional well-being.

When you put all of your energy and focus into healing the jealous person and communicating love and joy to each other on a consistent basis, you will naturally solve your jealousy issues for good.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Jealousy is fear in disguise. When you recognize the causes of jealousy, you'll be on your way to removing it from your relationships. By communicating love, respect, and joy consistently, creatively, and spontaneously, you'll be taking the enlightened approach to gaining and holding the right kind of healthy attention in a loving relationship.

Steve Nakamoto - "The Voice Of The Other Half"
iVillage.com's Ask Mr. Answer Man Relationship Expert
2-Time Writer's Digest Award-Winning Author
Author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man - Talk Like A Winner! 21 Simple Rules For Everyday Communication Success - Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love

http://www.SteveNakamoto.com

Read more »