Expand rather than limit your partner's interest in you and the relationship by developing common interests that you can both enjoy together. Remaining stuck in too many activities that a man doesn't like will surely reduce your time with him. Be smart and don't let your relationship burn out by forcing him into excessive involuntary chores.
The following suggestions are designed to help you persuade your man to go from an elusive part-time boyfriend to a satisfied full-time love partner:
STAY ATTRACTIVE IN THE SAME WAYS
In competitive sports, there is a common phrase that says, "Go with what got you there." In a romantic-love relationship, it is equally important to retain the appeal that initially attracted the man into your life. That means continuing to take care of your appearance, being warm and receptive, and remembering to be thoughtful and considerate like you were at the beginning. Don't ever lower the standards in your relationship by taking each other for granted.
TAKE PART IN SOME OF HIS INTERESTS
It's a good idea for both partners to be able to visit the other person's world periodically. This prevents couples from living separate lives or drifting too far apart. If you show little or no interest whatsoever in his activities, you are limiting the relationship you have with each other.
GET ALONG WELL WITH HIS INNER CIRCLE
Do your best to maintain good relations with your partner's friends and family. Although you may not approve of their influence on your man, you'll score more points by aligning yourself with these folks rather than confronting them. Try to avoid being the kind of woman who gets between a man and the people he likes and associates with.
STOP ANY HIGH-MAINTENANCE EMOTIONAL TENDENCIES
If it takes too much to keep a woman happy, then a man will often start building resentment towards her. A woman has to realize that it is neither natural nor healthy for a man to be forced to excessively prove his love because of her emotional insecurities. What you gain in assurances will be lost in residual animosity.
DON'T LET YOUR UP-KEEP BECOME YOUR DOWNFALL
Most men are concerned about dating women who spend tons of money or require a lot of material things. While a man may appear generous in the courting stage, it's more likely that he's also gauging how much it costs to keep the woman happy with her lifestyle. A woman who convinces a man that she's sensible with her money will help alleviate his ever-present financial concerns.
LEAVE HIM ALONE PERIODICALLY TO RECHARGE
I once saw Jerry Seinfeld do a stand-up comedy routine where he offered women this simple piece of marital advice: If you want to keep a man happy, leave him alone. As funny as it sounds, it is still true in the context of making sure that a man has the right balance in his life. Typically a man will need to juggle the time he has for you, work, other people, and himself. If a man truly loves you, rest assured that this "time to recharge" will probably be short in duration and only occasional in frequency. The main thing to remember is that you will score big points by understanding his occasional need to --- as John Gray, the author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus says --- "go into his cave."
BE WILLING TO EXCHANGE CONTROL FOR INCREASED PASSION
While we want 100% of a love partner's commitment to a relationship, it's not the same as demanding 100% of their time. Whatever you gain by forcing your partner to do what is not of any redeeming value, you'll end up losing in resentment. Be willing to let go of control periodically to revive the energies of your partner. By doing so, you'll have a happier partner who will naturally reciprocate this back to you in multiple positive ways.
The philosophy of expanding rather than limiting a man's interest in you and the relationship allows the opportunity for your love to grow and it benefits both partners. This also provides an inviting scenario for otherwise commitment-fearing men.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Dating sucks when you try to limit a man's life or are unable to encourage him to spend much time with you. But dating rocks when you expand his interest wisely so that you both receive the long-term benefits of emotional security, personal growth, deep intimacy, and peace of mind.
Steve Nakamoto - "The Voice Of The Other Half"
iVillage.com's Ask Mr. Answer Man Relationship Expert
2-Time Writer's Digest Award-Winning Author
Author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man
Talk Like A Winner! 21 Simple Rules For Everyday Communication Success
Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love
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