How do we know when to give up on that new relationship? Saying goodbye is never easy.
In this article, I want to tell you more about how to know when to end a relationship early, before you get too deeply involved. This is aimed at the early stages of relationship formation, dating and mating.
Selecting a mate is a serious and exciting business. Finding lasting love is one of the most written about topics in all of our literature. Stop me if you've heard this one before!!
The first rule is don't take on someone who is a project. By project, I mean someone who has serious issues early in the relationship. If you have to work hard at a new relationship it's most likely just going to get worse.
There are very few exceptions.
If your new love is chronically underemployed, drinks too much, has a drug problem, can't be close, won't open up emotionally, can't manage to be honest or even kind, you can't save her or him with your sweet love. Breakup! Give it up early. No matter how cute they are or how caring they can be at times, it's time to move on.
Early problems in relationships are previews of coming attractions.
These early problems demonstrate flaws in your new partner. If they struggle to handle life's challenges now, no amount of love will be enough to help them. Life is going to offer us many challenges in the future. We never know what we may have to face.
The only sure thing is that bad things will happen at some point to all of us. That's just the way life unfolds.
How will your "project" partner handle these when they arise? Well, I am sorry to say, probably just as badly as they are handling the challenges they face today.
They may change over time, but do you have that amount of time? No, not unless you are 12 years old. Even then, you can't be sure the change to competency will ever come.
Leave these "projects" early. It's not likely to improve with time or through your offerings of love. Leave before you make a baby. Leave before you get used to being treated like this.
You deserve better than a project.
There are many lovable people in the world seeking relationships. It's amazing to have a truly able and competent partner. They do exist!!
Don't settle!
Steve Litt has been providing psychotherapy for over 40 years. Steve was named Therapist of the Year by the Colorado branch of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) for 2010. Steve provides original content at SMARTERrelationships.com. You can follow him on Twitter at @SteveLittAdvice.
Steve W Litt, LCSW
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