Friday, April 8, 2011

7 Secrets Chart Your Course to Success in Love, Relationships

Achieving success in a love relationship is not as difficult as it might seem. Just like anything, the first step is knowing how to go about it in the right way. Men and women go into love relationships hoping they've made the right choice. Many think they've found "the one" and anticipate endless happiness, only to be disappointed yet again.

Why is it so difficult to find the right person to love and to be loved back? Despite a string of short-lived relationships, we all hope that someday we will find our true love. This hope-fed by a need to find acceptance, to be cared for, to feel safe and secure-is the driving force that keeps us searching after each failed relationship. And our need to be loved is perfectly natural, regardless of whether we come from a liberated background or a strict one.

Call me an eternal optimist, but I believe, as the saying goes, "There's a right shoe for every foot." Here are some basic steps to follow that will change your love life and make you the envy of your friends.

Secret 1: Know what you want. Clearly decide what it is that you hope to find in the love relationship. For example, is it happiness that you want? Is it just companionship? And so on. When you have defined what it is that you want, you need to find someone heading in the same direction.

Secret 2: Be strategic. The secret to finding lasting love begins with dating. And your dating approach must be strategic. For example, in many businesses, the objective is to provide certain services in an exchange for profit. Apply a similar approach to your love life. When you meet someone, ask yourself, how is having a love relationship with this person going to improve my life or give me what it is that I hope to gain?

Secret 3: Have a powerful incentive. People today are very cynical. They are used to being "sold to" and are looking for authenticity. Bring something to the table that will give your love interest a reason to commit to a long-term love relationship with you. People for the most part respond very well to incentives. I cannot stress this enough. While I do not wish to preach, to illustrate how critical incentives are in causing people to act, millions of people live certain ways in the hopes that upon death, they will inherit mansions in heaven. If God sees fit to offer the inheritance of mansions as an incentive to cause people to act, can you understand why you cannot do without offering an incentive?

Secret 4: Seek confirmation. This next step is essential. Avoid another disappointment by seeking confirmation at the start that the two of you belong with each other. Without confirmation, if you encounter problems at the beginning of the relationship, you might leave. On the other hand, if you receive confirmation that the two of you belong together, you are likely to exercise the required patience. You can receive confirmation by taking the time to ponder the two of you and allow the answer to be revealed to you.

Secret 5: Nurture the relationship. It is very important to understand that no love relationship offers 100% of what the two people in it want. Often, what is missing can be added. For example, if your partner has no cooking skills, the two of you can learn how to cook together. Take up an evening cooking course. This can be loads of fun, and it beats finding fault in your partner because they don't know the difference between pan seared and sauté.

Secret 6: Be emotionally available. Be there for each other. Be each others number one best friend, and remember that women love to be part of what their men like. For example, if you, the man, like a certain sport, include your partner in some way. Celebrate one anothers successes, and at the end of a day when everything has gone terribly wrong, provide a shoulder to cry on. Men in particular must learn this simple secret. When your partner has a problem and wants to talk, don't prevent her by saying she will be okay. Now she will not be okay. Stop what you are doing and listen. She just wants to vent or cry and she will be fine.

Secret 7: Have an exit strategy. We all go into relationships hoping we'll find what we're looking for-mostly happiness. Sometimes we inadvertently cause our relationship or marriage to end. My advice to you is simple in this regard. Have an exit strategy in advance: a way to exit with dignity and grace. The experts suggest that each of you should have your own financial identity. Then, if your companion or spouse decides to leave, you are financially prepared to support yourself.

In my experience, if men and women can follow just these seven simple steps, their love relationship will blossom.

Ernest Quansah has more than 15 years' experience as a relationship counsellor and is the author of How to Identify Your Soulmate as well as Dos and Don'ts of Relationships. He has successfully coached many single men and women to find dates leading to successful marriages. Website:


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