Sunday, March 13, 2011

Five Secrets to Finding True Love - The Dating Program of Three

The best strategy you can use to succeed in finding true love is the Dating Program of Three. I have taught this dating and relationship approach to therapists, clients and students for more than 25 years and it has resulted in great success. While a full discussion of this dating technique is beyond the scope of this paper, for now I'll just summarize the five most Frequently Asked Questions about this all-important piece of dating advice.

1. Does the program of three mean what I think it does? Yes, it does. Date three people at the same time. And be upfront in telling them you're doing this. And, most importantly, DO NOT have sex with any of them.

2. How can this work for me? I can't even find one good person to date! That's the point--having to find three eligible people means you have to break through your patterns of being too picky or too unavailable. You have to give a chance to the nerdy ones or the ones who 'aren't good enough.' And you have to screw up your courage, smile, make eye contact and open your mouth to give yourself a chance with the ones who are 'out of your league."

3. What about instantaneous chemistry that can be so yummy? That yummy chemistry often backfires when you are looking for lasting true love-the relationship that starts out red-hot can quickly go stone-cold. When you date three people, you are protected from this rapid moth-to-a-flame over-involvement that is the biggest mistake singles make in love relationships. Having sex with someone releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. If great chemistry leads to having sex too soon, this can backfire because you don't really know each other. On the Program you won't have that problem because you are not having sex with these people. If you are truly on the Program of Three you can't spend all that much time with one person. You can enter relationships in a mature and measured way to avoid premature infatuation, dependency, or pseudo-intimacy. On the Program of Three, if one doesn't call you, another one will. And you can come from abundance with three possibilities rather than scarcity with just one.

4. What types of men should I be looking for? You want to enter the world of romance with the attitude of an anthropologist. Ask yourself: What are the personalities of these natives about? What are they really into? Who fits with you? Who can give you the kind of companionship, nurturance or the belief in you and your dreams that you need to be your best self? On the Program, you rank order your partners in terms of least to most fulfilling. Less stimulating or enjoyable partners are left behind as they are replaced with higher level ones.

5. Where do I meet these plentiful guys? You can use two different online dating services, join professional organizations, associations devoted to the arts or political activities, and/or attend interesting educational courses. Advanced courses are best since they attract more men. Get out there. Expand your interests. Break out of your old habit patterns. Try golfing, bowling, or join a business group. Participate in an activity that's out of the norm for you. Make eye contact and say hello to everyone you meet. Each person has a social network of at least 200 other people who they could potentially introduce you to! Empower yourself and try the dating program of three. It can help you find an amazing true love relationship!

Psychologist, Dr. Diana Kirschner, appeared on Oprah & is a frequent guest on the Today Show. For 25+ years she has helped thousands of single women find love. Her acclaimed new book is Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. For her etips, blog, dating articles, & daily affirmations visit Dr. Diana's professional and academic background is available at


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